This is just to say …

24 hours from now I will be watching this movie:


They’ve had 20 years and 3 tries to get this story right, so I expect to be wowed!

TV Alert: Apocalypse IV: Judgment

Remember how I said that there’s a fourth movie in the Apocalypse quartet where God gets put on trial?! Well, thanks to RubyTea and Daystar Television, now you too can view this trial at 6 pm on Saturday, June 29th! Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the loss of any brain cells that result from the viewing of this film.

Heathen Critique


In light of Ivan’s awesome Guest Critique of Apocalypse: Caught in the Eye of the Storm, I have been inspired to make a new type of post, alerting you, my loyal readers and watchers and critiquers of bad Christian entertainment, to when you might be able to watch said bad Christian entertainment in the comfort of your own homes.

Because I just saw that the fourth movie in Cloud Ten’s epic Apocalypse series, Apocalypse IV: Judgment, will be shown on Daystar this very weekend!

So, if you enjoyed getting to know Helen Hannah, you can watch her continuing adventures.

And, as if you needed any more incentive than that, this movie features Mr. T!  (Insert your own “I pity the fool” joke here.)


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Apocalypse: In Which Haters Gonna Hate

I was going to talk about Apocalypse later in the year, but when I saw that Heathen Critique was running a series on it right now, I decided to post something while the topic was still relevant.  I deliberately haven’t read Ivan’s posts yet because I wanted to form my own opinions, so I apologize in advance for any overlap between Heathen Critique’s responses and mine.

Apocalypse Movie

Apocalypse is a 1998 movie about two journalists, Helen Hannah (Leigh Lewis) and Buck Williams Bronson Pearl (Richard Nester), who are trying to survive the Rapture and rise of the Antichrist.  A wise commenter from the Slacktiverse once referred to it as “the Left Behind equivalent of ‘Barry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.'” That description sounds about right.* Although it was made before the Left Behind movie, Apocalypse clearly wanted really badly to be Left Behind (though why anyone would want that is beyond me).  Unfortunately, it didn’t have quite the acting talent or the special effects budget to achieve its lofty dreams.

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Rapture-Palooza: In Which Rocks Fall From the Sky, Zombies Mow Their Lawns, and the Protagonist Doesn’t Want to Marry the Antichrist for Some Reason

*Contains mild spoilers but nothing that the trailer doesn’t give away.*

Upon my return from a charming South Carolinian vacation, my first order of business was to watch Rapture-Palooza.  It was disappointingly hard to find in theaters, so I ended up going through IMDB to rent it on for $6.99. (There’s likely a more convenient way to find it, but ever since I got BBC at home and stopped having to scour the internet for my weekly dose of Doctor Who, I’ve stopped paying attention to such things.)

Here was my initial response to Rapture-Palooza:

awe 02

This glowing analysis dims a bit in light of the fact that my criteria for best Rapture-themed movie ever consists of “not once did I feel the need to yell/throw things at the screen.”  As a Rapture nerd, I pride myself on having watched more Rapture movies than the average person.  However, as a non-fundamentalist, I get very easily annoyed with these movies, and then I stop watching them halfway through.  Hence I have yet to finish “A Thief in the Night” despite it being a classic in the genre.

What frustrates me about most Rapture movies is the fact that very little in these movies makes sense, and yet it’s usually presented as if everything that’s happening is perfectly logical.  So the fact that Rapture-Palooza admitted upfront that none of it makes any sense immediately endeared it to me.

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