Hi friends! You’ll all be relieved to know that I’m alive and haven’t been Raptured! I came back to do a review of the Left Behind movie and realized I had a nearly-complete write up of The Leftovers (the novel) still in my drafts from August. So I finished it up! A bit more serious than my usual tone, but I felt that Perrotta’s achievement deserved a little more respect than the usual if-we-throw-Jesus-in-it-no-one-will-notice-how-terrible-it-is excuse for a Rapture story.
The best thing about Tom Perrotta’s The Leftovers is that, compared to other Rapture books, absolutely nothing happens.
That may sound like an insult, but it’s not.
Here’s a short story to prove I’m not completely neglecting this blog ^_^
HOW THE APOCALYPSE WOULD HAPPEN IF HEAVEN WERE A SMALL NON PROFIT
By Daniel Cech
Taken from Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit will send e-mails to each other creating action plans and purposely not CC or talk about it with any of the angels. After about two weeks of this, Gabriel overhears a “private” phone call between JC and the Lord and immediately sends a scathing email to all the angels (it is a small office which they all share after all).
The angels then decide to organize a meeting WITHOUT the Trinity to figure out how to handle the whole mess. The board finds out about the angels’ meeting, and they want in. The Trinity hasn’t been informed.
All the while, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are creating a strategic plan detailing strategies and desired outcomes, none of which involve the angels OR the board. Tension mounts between the Trinity and the angels/board. More scathing emails. Neither party is talking to the other and can’t figure out why.
After about ten years of this (and total neglect of what’s happening on Earth) Heaven is awarded a grant, and God brings in a consultant. After three months of meetings, SWOT analysis, and organizational training, the Trinity, the angels, and the board FINALLY are on the same page. Only then will Gabriel realize no one had CC’d the four horsemen.
It’s that time of year–time to look at the second movie in Cloud Ten’s Apocalypse series, Revelation! For you curious folks, here’s the trailer.
Revelation is the sequel to Apocalypse, which I reviewed last summer. Apocalypse, as you may recall, is the movie that wanted to be Left Behind but tragically did not have the acting talent or the budget to achieve the same level of mediocrity as its inspiration. From what I hear, Revelation is where the four-part series really starts to come into its own, so I’m–dare I say it–a bit excited to see what happens when it does.
First, a comment on the tag line: “The book has been opened…” I like it! Maybe that’s just because, as an aspiring librarian, anything that has to do with opening books makes me happy. But I can also picture that tag line appearing on a legitimate supernatural thriller. It succeeds in creating a sense of expectancy.
With that hopefulness in mind, let’s begin. Continue reading
- Tagged apocalypse, Creepy false prophet, Franco Macalusso, haters, helen hannah, in which haters continue to hate, Jack Van Impe, macalusso, revelation, revelation part 1, Revelation part i, thorold stone
I’ve missed this blog! ❤
Luckily, I have two weeks off before grad school starts up again, and I’ve come up with a very productive use of my time: I’m going to review Revelation, the sequel to Cloud Ten’s Apocalypse! (Remember how much we all loved Apocalypse?! ._.)
Plus, while researching the Apocalypse series, I came across this nifty Wikipedia page on Apocalyptic fiction. I hope to review some of these in the future too.
I was a little disappointed to see that neither Fred Clark nor Mouse posted LB critiques this week, but otherwise we’ve got some great stuff going on… Continue reading
- Tagged apocalypse, heathen critique, Mark of the Beast, Medjugorje, NSA, Rapture Index, Rapture Ready, raptureready.com, sausagefests, Seth Rogen, This is the End
I was going to talk about Apocalypse later in the year, but when I saw that Heathen Critique was running a series on it right now, I decided to post something while the topic was still relevant. I deliberately haven’t read Ivan’s posts yet because I wanted to form my own opinions, so I apologize in advance for any overlap between Heathen Critique’s responses and mine.
Apocalypse is a 1998 movie about two journalists, Helen Hannah (Leigh Lewis) and
Buck Williams Bronson Pearl (Richard Nester), who are trying to survive the Rapture and rise of the Antichrist. A wise commenter from the Slacktiverse once referred to it as “the Left Behind equivalent of ‘Barry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.'” That description sounds about right.* Although it was made before the Left Behind movie, Apocalypse clearly wanted really badly to be Left Behind (though why anyone would want that is beyond me). Unfortunately, it didn’t have quite the acting talent or the special effects budget to achieve its lofty dreams.
- Tagged apocalypse, bronson pearl, Diamanda Hagan, End of ze World, Franco Macalusso, haters, haters gonna hate, heathen critique, helen hannah, Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Jack Van Impe, rapture, rapture movies
Some new things for us to slouch towards…
Please note: Mild spoilers below.
No rants/reviews today, but I finally caught up on my Dr. Who watching last night, and I’m happy to report that May 4th’s episode, The Crimson Horror, is just dripping with Biblical Apocalypse references. In this thrilling (and creepy) episode, a Victorian-era woman takes it upon herself to usher in the New Eden by placing the “brightest and the best” in suspended animation and poisoning the rest of the world. Crazy people be crazy, I guess.
I couldn’t find a clip on youtube featuring any of the apocalyptic talk, but here’s the trailer. It seems you’ll have to watch the actual episode to get the full effect.