Satan’s Wizard: “Harry Potter is preparing the way for the soon emerging Antichrist.”

Today is Harry Potter’s 33rd birthday!  Happy birthday, Harry!

This scene? Takes place in 4 years.  Yeah, we're old.

This scene? Takes place in 4 years. Yeah, we’re old.

In honor of Harry and his creator/birthday twin J.K. Rowling, I am posting this absolute gem of a conspiracy theory: Harry Potter–Satan’s Wizard by the illustrious Pastor Mike Storti.  I hope you like it; I love it. Originally, I was just going to provide a link, but there are so many wonderful tidbits hidden inside that I decided to do a piece-by-piece breakdown with my personal responses underneath.  You can read the original in one piece above. Or you can watch me OMGWTFing below:

Harry Potter – Satan’s Wizard

Catchy title!

  “Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God” – (Lev.19:31).

“And the soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, to go a whoring after them, I will set my face against that soul and I will cut him off from among his people” – (Lev.20:6).

Leviticus. *Sigh* They always lose me when they quote Leviticus. This is the same book that says eating seafood is an abomination.

“…For thy merchants were the great men of the earth; for by thy sorceries were all nations deceived” – (Rev.18:23).

Relevation quotes! Now this is what I’m talking about! Although it’s notable that in some interpretations, the word “sorceries” is replaced with “magic potions.” So transfiguration, divination, and DADA are perfectly acceptable in the eyes of the Lord. It’s those potions you have to watch out for.

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A Special Anniversary Post

This is one of the many comics I drew in my school notebook six years ago.  I came across it whilst cleaning my room and thought it would be an apt post for today.  Enjoy!

Click to view in a larger size.A Special Anniversary Post

Poor Jesus.  Maybe one of them will let him borrow their copy of Deathly Hallows once they’re done with it.  Can you believe it’s been six years since DH came out?!  Time flies when there are no Harry Potter books to wait for.

There will be another HP-themed post for Harry Potter’s birthday, so stop back July 31st!

This Is the End: In Which People Get Schwooped, Hermione Kicks Some Butt, and Michael Cera is Michael Cera

Have you seen This is the End Yet?  No?  zOMG you should watch it right now!!!!!

What? You say you’re not in a movie theater? And you don’t like pirating movies because it feels dishonest?

Fiiiiiine.  At least watch this trailer:

Hopefully the trailer put you in a good mood, and now you can forgive me for promising this review some three weeks ago and not delivering until now.  I assure you that there is a very good reason as to why that happened.  Well, not a very good reason.  Not much of a good reason either.  But a reason. What happened was this: I saw This is the End the week after it came out, loved it, rushed home to gush over it, and …

And immediately encountered two weeks worth of writer’s block.

I didn’t understand.  This was a fantastic movie, so why couldn’t I come up with anything to say about it? Luckily, I used my hardcore analytical English degree skillz and finally figured out the problem:

I just don’t know what to do with a good Rapture movie. I’m used to stopping these movies every twenty minutes just to curb the boredom/frustration.  I’m used to getting excited over what seems to be a major plot point, only to have said plot point swept under the rug and never talked about again.  I’m used to hearing “We should accept everyone regardless of race or creed!” used to identify a character as evil. I’m used to explanations making no sense.  I’m used to agreeing with the antagonists whilst scratching my head at the protagonists.  I’m used to watching the credits roll, finally, and wondering why the hell I couldn’t have a normal hobby, at least one that people make decent movies about.

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